1

Viv for Today, a blog by Viv Singer

A letter to my mom – what I’d like my deceased mother to know

I wish you weren’t a stranger.
[…]
Mark remembers you. He was eight when you passed away. Sometimes I envy the fact that he has his memory to go on. Other times, though, I think I got off lucky. Especially when it comes to Mimi. She married dad a couple of years after you passed. The poor thing went from zero kids to two kids over the course of a registry office wedding and a few finger sandwiches. I was young and I welcomed her with open arms. Despite becoming motherless when you passed, I have never felt motherless, and I’m thankful for that."

Question:

  1. Do "registry office weddings" here mean smaller, quicker, cheaper weddings in UK? What does "a few finger sandwiches" here mean?

Usually, at a wedding, a buffet is served, but at this registry office wedding, a few sandwiches were served instead, or maybe the couple brought them to their wedding?

Improve this question
4
  • It is analogous to a civil ceremony before a justice of the peace in the US. Just the legal formalities, no pomp, no circumstance, taking only a few minutes. It is normally done with only an official witness or two, not a roomful of family and friends. It satisfies the legal requirements and is not a festive occasion.
    – TimR
    Commented Oct 31 at 12:19
  • "Usually, at a wedding, a buffet is served." Often, the guests at a wedding reception sit down to a formal dinner. The fact that these people had 'a few sandwiches' after their wedding (not at the ceremony!) implies that it was an inexpensive, informal party.
    – Kate Bunting
    Commented Oct 31 at 13:43
  • A register office is a place where civil (non-religious) wedding ceremonies are held. They can be large/expensive or small/cheap events, and everything in between. The size of the wedding is entirely up to the participants. Finger sandwiches refers to one of the food items commonly served at a buffet. The sentence "The poor thing went from zero kids to two kids over the course of a registry office wedding and a few finger sandwiches." is clearly intended to be humorous - a bit of hyperbole. It would be pretty unusual to give birth to two children during a wedding and subsequent buffet!
    – Billy Kerr
    Commented Oct 31 at 19:44
  • After the edit, it's unclear what the question is. You just present this text, but no question. Did you delete it by mistake?
    – ZenJ
    Commented Nov 2 at 0:14

2 Answers 2

Reset to default
5

The actual term is "register office", not "registry office", although many people do say the latter. It just means a wedding officiated by a civil official - a registrar - rather than a religious one.

Contrary to what was said in the comments, register office weddings can be as formal and festive as religious ones - as shown on the UK government web page:

You must exchange vows if you’re getting married. Discuss any other wording you want with the person carrying out the ceremony.

Civil ceremonies can include readings, songs or music, but must not include anything that’s religious (for example hymns or readings from the Bible or the Torah). You can get a religious blessing of your marriage after a civil ceremony.

"Finger food" is food you can pick up with your fingers. Sandwiches, nibbles, vegetables with dips, and the like - all the things that are passed around at the start of a wedding reception.

Improve this answer
14
  • 1
    Now that we in the UK can have opposite-sex civil partnerships, my partner or 30 years decided to enter into one at the local Register Office. We demanded the least amount of ceremony possible, and I think the staff were pleased at this. As we left we saw the next set of people using the room and they were clearly going for the maximum.
    – Michael Harvey
    Commented Oct 31 at 13:21
  • 1
    And, in theory, a church wedding can be a very simple ceremony with only two other people present to act as witnesses. AFAIK it rarely happens today, but it sometimes did in the past when all weddings had to be in church.
    – Kate Bunting
    Commented Oct 31 at 15:15
  • 1
    +1 great answer, although "finger sandwiches" may mean sandwiches cut into fingers. Your definition of finger food is correct, but all sandwiches fit that definition.
    – Astralbee
    Commented Oct 31 at 16:14
  • A finger sandwich is specifically a tea sandwich, no? Like, cut-off-crusts, cucumbers, etc? I do think the etymology comes from 'finger food' but I'm not sure.
    – Kaia
    Commented Oct 31 at 20:05
  • @Astralbee I think part of the idea with finger food is that you can usually finish eating whatever piece you pick up in a few bites, so you don't need to put it back down. Which may not be true with e.g. a large sub or a panini. E.g. a burrito is something I can eat on the go, but I wouldn't necessarily call it finger food.
    – Kaia
    Commented Oct 31 at 20:11
1

A wedding in a Register Office in the UK is probably the cheapest, quickest, and smallest wedding possible. Historically, some people may have got married there because they couldn't get married in a church for a variety of reasons - 'mixed marriages' (for example a Catholic and a Protestant marrying) were not allowed in some churches, marriages to divorcees were sometimes not recognised by some churches, or marriages where the bride is pregnant were also not allowed in some. In times past, there might have been a degree of shame in that. In more recent times though, some choose a Register Office wedding because they don't want any fuss or they want a completely secular, non-religious wedding. There are many other secular wedding venues these days, so the Register Office is still probably the cheapest option.

On its own, saying someone got married in a Register Office today wouldn't necessarily mean the whole wedding was fast and cheap, as many get the ceremony out of the way and then move on to a more elaborate wedding reception. What really makes it clear that the wedding referred to was small and cheap is the mention of "a few finger sandwiches", suggesting that no money was spent on any kind of reception either. "Finger sandwiches" is likely to mean sandwiches cut into fingers (long strips), sometimes served on buffets. It sounds like a cheap, homemade affair rather than a catered buffet.

Improve this answer
2
  • 'Cheap homemade affair' - I hope you aren't sneering at people who prefer inexpensive, unostentatious, self-arranged events, like my and my partner's Civil Partnership ceremony, which came in at a bit over £200, including booking the room, registrar's fees, and drinks and food for us and four guests at the Bristol Watershed restaurant.
    – Michael Harvey
    Commented Nov 1 at 14:17
  • @MichaelHarvey that certainly isn't my intention, but I feel the text is doing that somewhat and I've tried to give a balanced answer that shows why some do sneer at low-key weddings and some of the historical reasons why. Whether these historical reasons hold any weight in 2024 is opinion-based.
    – Astralbee
    Commented Nov 1 at 15:09

You must log in to answer this question.