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I'm looking for a word (at best a verb because the expression in my native language a verb) used to show disapproval to describe when you do or want to do a favor for someone and you want to make that person feel that s/he is indebted to you.

For example my friend asks me for some money and I start talking about my own financial problems or the fact that this is me who's always helping him out then my friend confronts me with this and says,

I understand that this is a great favor but please stop [word]ing

Or I ask my colleague to help me and he acts like he wants you to know that he really doesn't have to do it and wants you to know he's doing you a favor. Later you tell your friend about your collegue and say,

Today I asked my colleague to help me and he did but with some [word]ing.

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  • For Persian native speakers the word is منت گذاشتن :)
    – Yuri
    Aug 16, 2016 at 22:24
  • Interesting... there is an Egyptian word for it too عا َيـِر
    – JavaLatte
    Aug 16, 2016 at 22:56
  • Is that Cairene slang, @JavaLatte ? I think of it as control or force into line
    – P. E. Dant Reinstate Monica
    Aug 16, 2016 at 23:05
  • @P.E.Dant, Egyptian is more a dialect than slang, with unique versions for 2,400 of the most widely used 5,000 words. Curious: the other meaning in both Egyptian and الفصحى is calibrate.
    – JavaLatte
    Aug 17, 2016 at 12:26
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    @JavaLatte That is interesting. Calibrate has the sense of force into an ordered arrangement and that's how I thought I'd heard عا َيـِر used. It's easy to see how it can also mean force to feel indebted.
    – P. E. Dant Reinstate Monica
    Aug 17, 2016 at 18:15

5 Answers 5

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In English, unfortunately, I believe we have no single verb that exactly conveys the negative sense of the Farsi منت گذاشتن

Obligate is a verb which in itself connotes nothing negative. Dictionary.com defines it as to bind or oblige morally or legally. Nevertheless, it is sometimes used in a negative sense, thus:

I understand that this is a great favor but please stop trying to obligate me.
Today I asked my colleague to help me and he did but not without making me feel obligated.

Another useful English word to consider is the adjective beholden. Although this word means only indebted or obligated, it is seldom used except in constructions which do connote something negative:

I understand that this is a great favor, but please stop trying to make me beholden to you.

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Perhaps guilt-tripping? As in to lay a guilt trip on me. It has a sense of making one feel guilty or ashamed.

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  • This one can make the sense in some contexts. Thanks
    – Yuri
    Aug 17, 2016 at 8:16
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If you're asking for a verb that describes a rant or tirade the word harangue (or harangued, past tense)comes to my mind. Americans generally use expressions instead so you might hear "he lectured me" , "read me the riot act",'Jumped my case" or 'guilt tripped me' about ( whatever it was.) He read me the riot act about borrowing money.

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violins! - (this is a universally understood trope)

I understand that this is a great favor but please stop [word]ing

I understand that this is a great favor but please spare me the violins.

A sad story is often accompanied on television or radio by doleful violin music. When people say "get out the violin" they are expecting a sob story and mean lightheartedly to confer that they have limited sympathy for the teller.
https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100316021906AAym6cU
https://citycomfortsblog.typepad.com/cities/2009/06/spare-me-the-violins.html
https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090630194940AAaUEu6

Today I asked my colleague to help me and he did but with some [word]ing.

Today I asked my colleague to help me and he did but with some violins playing in the background.

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  • +1 Thank you. I didn't know that :) However, the phrase doesn't genuinely deliver the meaning there. It's pretty much like "trumpeting" something with a tint of sadness to it. The meaning I was looking for has a sense of arrogance in it. I actually found a rather close term in English, to deign to do sth, though it's not as flexible as I expected it to be.
    – Yuri
    Jan 2, 2021 at 12:49
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I DON'T WANT YOUR FAVOR WITH A "YOU OWE ME A THANK YOU" GESTURE.

i don't want to ask him because he does it with a you owe me a thank you gesture.

i don't want to feel beholden to anyone

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    You are not giving an appropriate answer. The OP asks for a particular word, different in meaning from the sentences you give.
    – fev
    Dec 12, 2020 at 10:51

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