What does “welded” mean in this context?

I hope aged 98 she has both boobs out. Brand new boobs, newly welded nipples pointing upwards like Pekinese dogs sniffing chocolate. Give the world something genuine to quack about.

Source: "Ducks force-fed shortbread, teens drunk on cider, petrol vigilantes... that's the real countryside, Danny Boyle" by Grace Dent, in The Independent, June 13, 2012.

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    I added a link to the original article. This helps people write good answers. Without this information, often native speakers can't figure these things, either, at least not with confidence. See Details, Please for more about how you can provide this kind of information yourself in your own questions.
    – Ben Kovitz
    Jul 8, 2017 at 18:58
  • Did your your English dictionary provide a definition of the verb "to weld"? How might one of those definitions apply to action upon human flesh? Remember, writers often use words metaphorically. (I should think the first sentence much more indecipherable to a new student of English!) Jul 8, 2017 at 19:02

1 Answer 1


The sentence uses the ordinary meaning of welded playfully or metaphorically, to suggest that getting breast augmentation surgery would involve arc welding new nipples onto Madonna's breasts, like this:

Welding a new nipple onto Madonna

A clue to the meaning here is that the text comes from a celebrity gossip column. This kind of writing often uses language playfully like this, especially regarding "racy" topics.

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    This is great! Now let's see you tackle "I hope aged 98 she has both boobs out"! Jul 8, 2017 at 19:21
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    A better clue would be to Google "madonna steel bra": don't forget, The Material Girl used just such an item in her costume.
    – Robusto
    Jul 8, 2017 at 20:09

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