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Violet got a letter from the University of Michigan to join in but was afraid of his husband. She could become like her mother who once sacrificed a job for her father and now she is living an unhappy life.

Violet: I know, I think I'm just scared that you will end up resenting me.

Tom: This is a huge opportunity for you. If you don't do this, you're gonna end up resenting me, and, frankly, I would much rather be the resentor than resented.

I looked up this word in the dictionary but it doesn't even exist.

Source: The Five-Year Engagement 2012

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Resentor is derived from the word resent which means to feel bitterness or indignation at (a circumstance, action, or person).

So, "resentor" will be the person who feels the resentment/bitterness.

I would much rather be the resentor than resented.

In the current context , it simply means that Tom would rather be the one who feels bitterness towards Violet rather than the resentement being other way round i.e. Violet feeling the same way that she feels towards her father.

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It's a standard English word-formation rule that you can add -er or -or to a verb to create a noun meaning a person or object that performs the action described by that verb. Common examples include:

Actor
Singer
Creator
Maker

This isn't common with resent, but the author is following normal English word-formation rules to create a word that can be readily understood. It could be spelled resenter or resentor. It's too uncommon to say it has a standardized spelling, although using -er to form new words this way is quite a bit more common.

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