"Do you mind me asking" vs. "Do you mind my asking"? [duplicate]

Question

A: "I read your annual sales report, but it's missing some information.

B: "Oh, I didn't realize that. Do you mind my/me asking what exactly I missed?"

Should the correct response be "Do you mind my asking what exactly I missed?" or, "Do you mind me asking what exactly I missed?"

Which one is correct and why?

Apparently, both are: if you don’t mind my saying so/if you don’t mind me asking used when you are saying or asking something that you think might offend someone: You’re looking tired, if you don’t mind my saying so. How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking? — Michael Login, Mar 10, 2018 at 16:59
It isn't a duplicate because those answers do not explain the grammar in a form that is easily graspable. – — Lambie, Mar 10, 2018 at 17:20
@Lambie: I'd say they are effectively the same question. If you think the original wasn't properly answered you should still vote to close this one, and post your answer there rather than here. — FumbleFingers, Mar 10, 2018 at 17:55

Lambie · Accepted Answer · 2018-03-10 16:57:30Z

They mean the same thing.

Do you mind ||my asking|| what exactly I missed?

This may be parsed as: to mind something where a possessive and gerund noun is used, and it is a direct object;

Yes, I do mind ||his not asking me|| to the party. His not asking me was rude.

WHEREAS in:

Do you mind me ||asking|| what exactly I missed?

Yes, asking me that is rude.

The idiom here would be:

to mind [someone: indirect object] doing something.

In this case, the pronoun is indirect followed by a gerund noun.

There are, therefore, two ways to parse these usages.

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