Is this sentence correct when I am narrating a past event using the present tense (historical present)

"I remember the first time I spoke to a hot girl (English native speaker), it was completely intimidating, my mind was kinda feeling numb, and while she was talking, I was concurrently self-talking saying 'is this really happening? Is this really happening?!''

My introductory clause is in present tense (I remember the first time), then followed by past tenses as I go on storytelling. Did I do correctly?

  • If you are remembering it in the present, it is OK. And "is this really happening" is OK as reported speech. – user3169 Apr 4 '18 at 20:37
  • Your sentence does not use the historic present. You need to replace instances of was with is or am and adjust spoke accordingly. The meaning of concurrently self-talking is not clear. Do you mean that you were talking to yourself? – Ronald Sole Apr 4 '18 at 21:23
  • @RonaldSole, yeah my bad about the tenses pertaining the historic present thingy, but I did some present tenses there right. While 'concurrently' is the same as what you are asking, you have just rephrased it the other way around, I think 'concurrently' is used correctly here without a sense of ambiguity-why would you say it wasn't clear? – John Arvin Apr 4 '18 at 23:38
  • Of course, you remember now what happened then. But the next bit might read better as: I was saying to myself "Is this really happening. Is this really happening?". [that should be simple italics but I don't know how to do it.] – Lambie Apr 4 '18 at 23:57
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    @JohnArvin Last thing on my mind was to discourage you. Keep writing. Keep it simple while you build up your skills.You'll get better every day! – Ronald Sole Apr 5 '18 at 21:28

There is no connection between the main verb "remember" and the relative clause's verb (speak), which indicates that "speak" can be used in the past tense form if it is necessary.

I remember [the first time when I spoke to a hot girl].("When" can be omitted)

I remember [when I first spoke to a hot girl].

They are both the same.

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