sentence: Everyone, everywhere would be caught in the deluge of the tsunami of shit that we let rage rampant.

Something about the last three words feels off.

  • It's grammatically correct but very ugly and confusing because it's thrown a bunch of words together that don't really work together. Why "a deluge of a tsunami"? A tsunami is already a deluge. How does a tsunami rage? What does it mean for a tsunami to "rage rampant"? Did you write this sentence yourself, or did you find it somewhere? – stangdon Apr 12 '18 at 12:31
  • In addition to the points that @stangdon raised, a tsunami is also an unstoppable force of nature - no one "lets" a tsunami do anything. The writer of this sentence was trying for a very colorful and strong metaphor, but really missed the mark. – Canadian Yankee Apr 12 '18 at 13:47
  • @stangdon and Canadian Yankee: thank you, thank you, loving the rave reviews, I did write that myself. I did just ask if it was grammatical or not though, not whether or not if was worthy of Shakespeare. – strawberries Apr 14 '18 at 0:32

It would help if you could give some more information of what you would like to achieve. Guessing this is why you have a couple of downvotes on your question.

Question So to simply answer your question: Yes, the three last words sound weird.

Intension I am inferring that you are the writer of the sentence and you would like to make it more readable. Further implying that it is important set emphasis on shit. So lets see...

I think the whole sentence sounds weird because of duplicate words and to much emphasis. So lets break down the sentence:

everyone, everywhere sounds a little bumpy. Maybe Everyone from everywhere sounds more fluent?

deluge of the tsunami is a pleonasm. While deluge of the can be removed without substitution, it can set emphasis. But the problem with this part is, that of and the are each showing up twice in close succession:

"in the deluge of the tsunami of shit".

I would suggest to remove deluge of the completely.

we let rage rampant.: The words rage and rampant, while not pleonasm, they still mean the same. Here again, it can set emphasis. But I would not put emphasis on two things in the same sentence. So I would drop the rage or replace rage rampant with only loose. Or a combination of: we let loose so rampantly

At the end the sentence would look like:

Everyone from everywhere would be caught in the tsunami of shit that we let loose so rampantly.

  • Thank you for the constructive criticism, it really was pleasantly informative. I learned a new thing today. – strawberries Apr 14 '18 at 0:39

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