I have a question about advanced grammar, after my great previous experience here. Simply saying, I want to express that a guy is desperate, feeling under pressure and bad that someone is accusing him for something he did not do. Also, someone else is dragging him away while his voice is slowly disappearing due to increasing distance.

Can I write it as follows?

He started to yell like in a last moment of hope, "My king! It is not true! I am not a man of your enemy. I did not come to kill you nor start a war! You must believe me, I am not an assassin. These guys behind you are dangerous, not me..." His voice was becoming father and farther until disappeared completely.

  • If, as it sounds from the title, you're asking specifically about correct use of past tense in combination with direct speech, you should probably edit to make this a little clearer so folks won't think you're asking for general proofreading, which is "off-topic" (in that we don't just dig through a passage of text looking for all errors in it: all questions need to focus on either a few specific words of a sentence, or in a single aspect, like tense usage, within a passage). – Nathan Tuggy Jun 6 '18 at 6:45
  • @NathanTuggy I am still little bit confused what is considered as proof reading and what is not. I do not want anyone to fix my mistakes to copy & paste them back to my text. I would like to know if the understanding of the text is the same as I intended or if I should use different tense or phrases to express it better, etc. I will try to change a title. Thanks. – tucna Jun 6 '18 at 6:55
  • Fundamentally, the distinction is whether it's possible for someone else to find a question asking for an explanation about a given point of grammar, then learn from the answers and understand English better. Part of that relies on the question being specific enough that folks who find it in a search will know that it has something to do with what they want to know (and so that they can find it with e.g. Google), and the rest of it is is framing the question so that the answers are explanations, not just corrections. – Nathan Tuggy Jun 6 '18 at 7:42
  • I think you are asking about writing style and (from us) reading comprehension. Unfortunately, it you gave some scenario to 10 people and ask them to write a descriptive paragraph, you would get 10 different ones, any or all that might be OK. So there really is no correct answer (which is against SE Q/A style). Any critique or corrections to those 10 paragraphs would amount to proofreading. – user3169 Jun 7 '18 at 4:15
  • If you're referring to It is not true! I am not [...] I did not come [...] You must believe [...], then yes, that's alright. The same for the transition and cutting back to His voice was becoming [...]. – user3395 Jun 27 '18 at 13:21

Yes, your sentence does express the ideas that you intended. Also, combining two events using the past tense and direct speech is acceptable.

If I may suggest two changes, without proofreading your entire paragraph.

1/ 'He started to yell like in a last moment of hope'.

Based on what you have written, this was his last moment of hope. So, drop 'like' from the sentence and say what you mean. 'He started to yell in a last moment of hope.' Also, if you really want him to sound desperate, change 'hope' to 'desperation'.

2/ 'His voice was becoming father and farther until disappeared completely.'

Voices cannot 'become further and further'. They either 'come from further and further' or they 'become fainter and fainter'. You also need to put 'it' between 'until' and 'disappeared'. I would suggest something like, 'His voice becoming fainter and fainter as he was dragged away, until it disappeared completely.'

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