Software developer / analyst with 10 years’ experience as a LOB application developer - mainly in financial services industry. A stickler for high coding standards; excellent communication skills, both written and verbal – a team player looking for a challenging, rewarding work environment where I can continue to grow my skills and add value to a successful team.
I would say your biggest problem here is punctuation. The sentences read awkward mostly because of your slapdash use of the dash. Here are some pointers for you:
1) Don't put a space before and after a slash.
2) No apostrophe needed after years.
3) I think you've overused the dash. Your first dash could be a comma (or parentheses could be used, too). The second dash seems like it could just be the start of a new sentence.
4) I'd be careful about using the word stickler. It seems to clash with team player, as a stickler might be someone who is judgmental toward people who might not have the same standards as you.1
5) I don't see any need to specify both written and verbal when claiming that you have excellent communication skills. If you have to add that explicitly, then maybe your written skills aren't so excellent after all.
6) I don't like the way the word skills is applied to both your communication ability and your programming talent in the same paragraph.
So, having said all of that, here's my suggested rewrite:
Software developer/analyst with 10 years experience as a LOB application developer (mostly in financial services). I am committed to high coding standards; I have excellent communication skills. I am a team player looking for a challenging, rewarding work environment where I can continue to grow my expertise and add value to a successful team.
I'm not saying this is perfect, but I'm saying it's an improvement, based on the comments I've made above.
1 This hint is offered, not as a proofreading service (which would be off-topic for this site), but as an interesting aspect of English usage for the learner.
