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I just studied about relative clauses and I know that they should tell us which person or thing the speaker means. So when I'm in a conference and a woman is speaking can I ask my friend

"Do you know that woman who is speaking?"

or should I say "Do you know that woman speaking?"?

or when someone is talking to my friend Tom can I ask my friend

"Do you know the woman who is talking to Tom?"

or should I say "Do you know the woman talking to Tom?" ?

and why?? when should I use relative clause and when -ing and -ed phrases?

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    Preliminary point: The -ing and -ed expressions that you refer to are not phrases but non-finite clauses. That aside, it's largely a free choice, though in many instances the non-finite clause alternant is more elegant and often preferred. – BillJ Dec 26 '18 at 17:04
  • In addition to BillJ's guidance, there are contexts where the meaning between the two constructions differs, as in: Did you hear the the trumpeter playing the solo? and Did you hear the trumpeter who is playing the solo? – Ronald Sole Dec 26 '18 at 23:51
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They both work. Adding the "who is", which is usually contracted to "who's", sounds slightly better to me, but omitting it is perfectly functional.

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