been to & gone to: a general rule for specific cases

Question

I understand been to is used for a complete visit and gone to refers to a trip taking place now or the person being there. My question is about the times where it's gets a bit shady. Based on what I see and hear I began to figure out a rule and I need to check it with an English native speaker: we can use have you gone to a place instead of been to if the journey to that place is short and we're talking about a recent experience. If we focus on a long trip to a place and we focus on a life experience, we use been to.

Talking to a tourist visiting Paris at the hotel:

Have you gone to/been to the top of the Eiffel tower yet? [Both are possible]

Talking to a friend back home in Russia:

Have you ever been to Paris? [Only been to is possible]

Does the rule make sense, or is there a point here I've failed noticing?

Answer 1

TL;DR GO to refers to the journey there; BE to refers to the experience of being there, having intentionally gone there.

To be to a place is to travel there (by foot, by horse, by vehicle, etc). In the broadest sense, you take deliberate steps to get there. The place is your destination.

If you had been kidnapped, say, and taken to Boston, a city you'd never set foot in before, you would not say "I've been to Boston" except facetiously, as you did not take deliberate steps yourself to get there. You cannot say that you have experienced Boston, having intentionally gone there.

Although it is not used much nowadays, you can say:

I am to London.

which means "I am going to London" or "London is my destination".

When you want to say that you made a trip to London in the past:

I was to London on a business trip ten years ago.

When you want to say that you count London among the places you've visited, or that you recently were there:

I have been to London.

Excluding the sense "to attend" (as, for example, a school, or musical instrument lessons) to go to a place is to travel to it.

I go to London every two weeks on business.

Ten years ago I went to London every two weeks on business.

I have gone to London on business.

Brevity of visit and recency of visit (your "rule") are not essential to the meaning of go:

There used to be a family with three sets of twins living in this house. Do they still live here in town?
--Oh, no. They've long since gone to London.

P.S. With respect to summits, like the Eiffel Tower, which you ask about, or the peak of Mount Everest, we can inquire whether someone has made their way to the top:

Have you gone up?

or has been present there (has had the experience of being) up at the top:

Have you been up?

Someone who had parachuted down to the peak of Mount Everest might say:

I've been up, but I haven't gone up.

Answer 2

Been to means visit as a form of go and come.

Elmer is travelling around Europe. He's been to 3 countries so far. He's been to France, he's been to Germany and now he's here with me in Manchester. It's the first time he's been to England.

Gone to with I, you, and we used to be difficult, but now we all have mobile phones we can call and ask "Where have you gone? I can't find you anywhere!" Gone to really means not here. Have you gone to the top of the Eiffel tower? No. I'm here, talking to you..