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Should I use wanted or had wanted here?

a) I was not sure if She had wanted to marry me.

b) I was not sure if She wanted to marry me.

Or.

a) She had wanted to marry me but I refused the proposal.

a) She wanted to marry me but I refused the proposal.

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The past perfect (had + past participle) is mandatory when there is no other information in the sentence to make the sequence of events clear. For example:

When I arrived at the party, he had left.

Here the past perfect clearly indicates that the leaving happened before the arriving. If this is the case, then you cannot use the preterite:

When I arrived, he left

because this reverses the meaning: the leaving happened after the arriving.

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