"the way in which" VS "the manner in which" including some others

Question

I’m from Korea. It is the way we teach and study relative pronouns “who/whom/which/whose”

We study this through this process. I think that it is right to use number 1 and 2. But I want to know if number 3 and 4 are correct or not. If you find some mistakes or something you want me to know from number 1 or 2, please let me know. And please check the process of number 1 and 2 in order to understand my point about number 3 and 4.

1. He is the man. / I borrowed the book form him.

   • He is the man from whom I borrowed the book. (very formal)
   • He is the man whom I borrowed the book from. (formal)
   • He is the man who I borrowed the book from. (Informal)
   • He is the man that I borrowed the book from. (Informal)
   • He is the man I borrowed the book from. (Informal)-Best!

2. This is the thing. I played with that thing.

   • This is the thing with which I played. (formal)
   • This is the thing which I played with. (Informal)
   • This is the thing that I played with. (Informal)
   • This is the thing I played with. (Informal)-Best!

---

I need you to focus on this from here.
I have found a lot of differences to teach relative adverbs between in America and in Korea. This is the Korea version to understand the use of ‘how’. We understand how is the one of the relative adverbs including “where,when,why” We usually understand something through the process like this.

3. I like the way. you talk to me in the way.
   [in the way? is it right to use?]
   • I like the way in which you talk to me. (formal)
   • I like the way which you talk to me in. (informal)
     [Is it the way you guys say in spoken English?]
   • I like the way that you talk to me in. (Informal)
     [do you sometimes use 'that'? or never use?]
   • I like the way you talk to me. (Informal)-Best?
   • I like how you talk to me. (Informal)-Best?
     [which one is the best to use in spoken English?]

---

This is the version from the teacher from America. They usually don’t mention ‘how’ when they teach relative adverbs dislike when,where,why Even some of them don’t say the word of relative adverbs. They just teach “who/which/whose/where/why…” As relative pronouns. They say that ‘what’ and ‘how’ are Not relative pronouns because they cannot come after a noun.

4. How = the manner in which.
   I still remember how we met.

Two sentences are all of things to explains ‘how’ So… I want to know why they teach the same things in different ways? Which one is correct? To be honest, I’ve never seen anyone teaching ‘how = the manner in which” in Korea. If number 4 is right, I really want to know the process like number 1,2,3.

Answer 1

1. He is the man I borrowed the book from. To me this can be used in formal and informal settings. It's the one I'd be most likely to use. To make it even more informal, you can change He is to He's

---

2. This is the thing. I played with that thing. - Would not use this one.

This is the thing with which I played. - This one sounds strange.

This is the thing which I played with. - Sounds better than the 2nd one but still sounds strange.

This is the thing (that) I played with. - Definitely the one I'd use.

---

3. I like the way. you talk to me in the way. - I would never use this.

I like the way in which you talk to me. - Wouldn't use.

I like the way that you talk to me in. - Would not use, because of the word in at the end.

I like the way you talk to me.- Would use this one.

I like how you talk to me. - Would also use this one. Both this sentence and the previous one are very similar in meaning (practically the same).

---

4. I still remember how we met. - I would probably never say this in everyday speech (it's not something I say to my friends on a regular basis), but I'm sure it's been said plenty of times before.