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I've been listening to Mutual by Shawn Mendes and one line of the lyrics gets me confused, especially the "have to" part

No I don't want to have to leave.
But half of you's not enough for me.

Do I want to stay nor not? Am I being asked to leave but I don't want to leave? Do I willingly want to leave?

full lyrics here

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Thank you for posting the next line, because that is actually the explanation for the first line.

It means something like this:

  1. If I can only have half of you, I will leave.
  2. I would prefer to have all of you and stay.
  3. You won't let me have more than half of you.
  4. Combining (1) and (3), I will leave.

The original puts this all much more concisely and poetically.

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