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Please tell me if it is correct and if there are alternatives. I'm not sure about the order of the words, or if "with" is needed, especially in this part : "the heart devoured from within".

Love is a battle they just can't win, the heart devoured from within.

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  • 'Correct' for what context? As a standalone sentence I don't think it entirely makes sense. As part of a poem, with a new line, comma, slash, semicolon or similar after the word "win", it sounds fine. Feb 1 '20 at 17:29
  • Well the meaning I'm looking for is, they can't win with their heart devoured from within (as part of a poem indeed). It's just unclear to me if the current construction of the sentence is correct regarding the meaning I am aiming. (also added a coma as you mentioned)
    – Sigma
    Feb 1 '20 at 18:10
  • "Love is a battle they just can't win / the heart devoured from within" - to me this expresses that (A) love is a battle they cannot win, and (B) their heart is devoured from within, but it does not clearly state the relationship between the two. It's not clear that A is due to B, or B is due to A. So in terms of plain English with unambiguous meaning, I suppose you need "with". But in terms of poetry, plain English with unambiguous meaning is rarely the goal. It might be a better poem left as it is. Respectfully, I think that degree of poetry criticism goes beyond the scope of this site. Feb 1 '20 at 18:15
  • Ok thank you so much for your help then !
    – Sigma
    Feb 1 '20 at 18:17

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