Someone asks me a question in very formal conversation. And I want to know why he/she is asking me this question. Basically, I want to know the reason and purpose behind this question. How can I ask this formally and politely? Can I say, what is the purpose of inquiry?
Thanks
OP's query is
Basically, I want to know the reason and purpose behind this question. How can I ask this formally and politely? Can I say, what is the purpose of inquiry?
The polite way to ask is:
"Could you please tell me why you need this information?".
The real problem is what you would do if the other person insisted on knowing facts that you consider uncomfortable to divulge.
Then you should know how to say no to others and not feel guilty.
Some adults have never learnt to say no; it's a childhood trait. Children are encouraged to be courteous and forthcoming from a young age. Saying no to a parent or teacher when they requested the child to do something was considered backtalk.
You must say no in these circumstances for your own good.
1.If you're uneasy..
No one is more aware of your boundaries than you are. Saying no could be necessary if you are asked to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable.
2.You sense obligation or guilt.
Saying no can be particularly challenging in professional settings. It could be a question from your superiors.
3.If the request goes beyond what you can personally accept.
Saying no to someone when they ask you something that is outside of your comfort zone . Your boundaries are worth standing up for.
4.If your sole purpose in responding is to appease someone else..
Although gaining the approval of others is a natural motivation to complete things, it shouldn't be your primary driving force. It is not worth it to compromise your pleasure and wellbeing in order to appease someone else.
The answer probably depends on where you are. Where I live "why do you ask" would be considered polite, "why do you want to know" a little less polite, "why are you asking me" considerably less polite. It would probably sound old-fashioned in most places, but one could say "If I may, why do you ask?"
Saying what is the purpose of # inquiry is really formal and would only be used in writing in answer to an authority or in a special case like dealing with, say, HR in an unclear situation (I doubt you would even use it in talking to the police) - and you would want to replace the # with "this" our "your" or "the" because otherwise there's just something missing here.
You asked specifically about a very formal conversation but in the parts of the world I know, even a very formal (spoken) conversation does not always mean to use intensely formal wording. In many situations, using that phrase in a conversation, however formal, would just come across as awkwardly stilted language. Too little information in your question to be more specific, though.
Added in reaction to a comment of yours, although stretching the scope of the question but I think it is warranted here:
Wanting to sound "cold and formal" seems socially off in most situations in most parts of the world where English is used as a first language. If you really need to get somebody off your back unambigously, omitting all expression of courtesy should be quite more than enough (and could be seen as a sign of weakness or lesser education, depending on the situation and other things). Where it does not suffice, and you need or really want to tell a person to stop or go away, you will need to directly tell them so (if the situation is such that you can legally and acceptably do that).
In the latter case, you may again be better off using a basic amount of politeness in some situations (the directness of the statement doing the work here) unless a rude tone is required and may be being used already. But as others have already mentioned, that would depend on context (specifically situation, social class - not necessarily low here in all thinkable situations - etc).
One basic technique in delicate situations is to avoid the word ‘you‘ in your own reply and emphasize the ‘I’ and 'me' instead.
I’m not sure I understand what’s behind the question. Asking me because...?
Actually, what‘s the question? Is it for me?
Happy to answer, but not clear about the question or why for me, exactly.
Eliminating the 'you' removes the attack (You talkin' to me?) or hint of threat that you might have introduced. If I feel my seat kicked in a movie theater, instead of You're kicking me, I find more success with Sorry, I feel some kicking on my seat.
Also, each example asks What? and Why for me? but contains a softener such as I am not sure, actually, exactly. They serve as padding to emphasize polite intent.
You can ask, "How will this activity (what he asked) help in resolving the issue?"
This way we are focusing our attention to the activity and its effect to resolve the issue and diverting the attention from 'you' and 'him'.
