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I wrote this question:

  1. Why hadn’t you said to me that you have arachnophobia before we went there?

Now I’m worried I should have used this version instead:

  1. Why hadn’t you said to me that you had arachnophobia before we went there?

Which version is grammatically correct? Or they correct both and it’s simply the matter of what I intended to say?

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    I don't know why you are using "hadn't". Also if the person still has arachnophobia, the sentence can be "Why didn't you tell me that you have arachnophobia before we went there?" Or even "Why didn't you tell me that you are arachnophobic before we went there?" because that is not like a disease you can catch. Sep 19 '20 at 16:53
  • I wanted to make the question sound stronger
    – San Antonik
    Sep 19 '20 at 16:56
  • Don't say "hadn't said to me"; say "didn't tell me". I’m migrating this to our sister site for English Language Learners to help you out.
    – tchrist
    Sep 19 '20 at 18:38
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This looks more like an attempt to use tenses rather than to communicate... That usually make bad English.

Firstly there is no need for the past perfect "hadn't you said". The past perfect is rare, and you should often just use the past tense instead.

Why didn't you say...

Also "tell" is a better verb than "say" in this context

Why didn't you tell me...

Now since the question is about back shifting. This is generally optional, and in this case, if he had arachnophobia before, he still has arachnophobia now. So it makes sense to use a present tense

Why didn't you tell me that you have arachnophobia before we went there?

If you still want to use past perfect, it may be possible to use something like

Why hadn't you told me about your arachnophobia?

(But I still prefer this in simple past)

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