0

I am writing a personal essay and reach writer's block on this part

A simple app that could help save time for my father convinced me of the potential of technology to not only improve the industry's productivity but also the quality of life - precious time saved that could be spent with family.

  • Grammatically is it correct?
  • How to further improve on the "... quality of life ..." to drive the sentence more expressive and impactful to the reader? Any adjective or words to replace or add?

2 Answers 2

0

A simple app that could help save time for my father convinced me of the potential of technology to not only improve the industry's productivity but also the quality of life - precious time saved that could be spent with family.

The paragraph is grammatical.

I prefer the simpler attributive noun form, "industry", to the possessive form.

The two articles before "industry" and "quality" could be deleted, so is "that" after "saved".

On punctuation, your em dash looks like a hyphen, and I have changed it in my suggestion.

A simple app that could help save time for my father convinced me of the potential of technology to not only improve industry productivity but also quality of life—precious time saved could be spent with family.

A guide to the use of em dash is shown.

Em dashes can be used in pairs to mark off additional information that is not essential to understand the sentence. Here they function similarly to parentheses or a pair of commas. Don’t put a space on either side of an em dash.

https://www.scribbr.com/language-rules/dashes/#:~:text=An%20em%20dash%20can%20also,was%20set%20in%20her%20opinion.

0

With regard to your second point, idiomatically one might refer to work-life balance:

the amount of time you spend doing your job compared with the amount of time you spend with your family and doing things you enjoy

"It can be difficult to get the right work-life balance."

You must log in to answer this question.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged .