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It would be appreciated if you can let us know when can we expect to receive the final payment

Does this sound right?

I have been using the sentence above whenever I am trying to be polite while chasing outstanding payments. However, I always feel it sounds off, especially the 'When can we expect', shouldn't it be 'When we can expect' instead as I am not really asking a question?

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    Yes, it should be "when we can". Other than that, it sounds fine, if a little wordy.
    – Daniel Roseman
    Commented Oct 31, 2021 at 22:10
  • if you could let us know when we can expect to receive final payment
    – Lambie
    Commented Sep 6 at 22:10

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You are correct that it should be "when we can" instead of "when can we", and for the reason you gave. Other than that, I'd say it was mostly fine. I might, however, change:

It would be appreciated if you can...

to:

It would be appreciated if you could...

or:

It would be appreciated if you would...

or even:

Give me my money now, you thieving cad! Or else! Don't force me to come over there and introduce you to my Louisville slugger.

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    +1 for the ending.
    – AIQ
    Commented Nov 1, 2021 at 8:22
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It would be appreciated if you can let us know when can we expect to receive the final payment.

This is “good” English in that it is grammatical (it follows the rules of standard English) and it is comprehensible (the recipient will understand you), but it is prolix (excessively wordy).

Help everyone by writing something like:

Please let us know when we will receive the final payment.

or even

When will we receive the final payment?

“Since brevity is the soul of wit, and tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes, I will be brief.”
— Hamlet, Act II, Scene ii

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