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10 days ago my friend and I went to a restaurant and my friend paid for the meal.

10 days later my mom tells me off for letting my poor friend do so: "you shouldn't have let him pay!"

Defending myself I say: "I wouldn't have wanted him to pay" (trying to say that I'm not/was not glad that he paid)

Is the "would have wanted" part correct in terms of grammar and meaning? What if I said "I didn't want him to pay" instead? what is the difference?

Now imagine the opposite. we went to a restaurant and I paid the bill this time.

10 days later mom again asks: "Why did u pay?"

I say: "I would have wanted him to pay" (trying to say I'm not/was not glad that I paid. I wish he had paid)

Is the "would have wanted part correct in terms of grammar and meaning? What if I said "I wanted him to pay"instead? What is the difference?

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Seems to me, the answer to your question is pretty simple.

Your mom asked you, "You shouldn't have let him pay." Your response to her could have been, "I didn't want him to pay . . . but he insisted" (or something to that effect).

If, on the other hand, your mom criticized you for paying, you could have said (very simply!), "I didn't want to pay . . . but he kind of hinted I should pay" (or something to that effect).

Why complicate things unnecessarily!

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  • Thanks rhetorician.youre right .but i just wanted to know how and when the "would/wouldnt have"version is used. Let me clarify more. A quotation from maryjanice davidson:"I mean, I wouldn’t have wanted to be recognized. But I was kind of a prude about Cheating on taxes, group sex, murder, and stuff. – Maryjanice Davidson. Why doesnt she say "didnt want"rather than"wouldnt have"?does the "wouldnt have"version in her sentence tell us if she was recognized or not
    – Steve Currensy
    Jan 15, 2022 at 23:34
  • "I wouldn't have expected him to pay for me, but he refused to pay for his own meal either."
    – Kate Bunting
    Jan 16, 2022 at 8:40
  • The sentence "I mean, I wouldn’t have wanted to be recognized. But I was kind of a prude about Cheating on taxes, group sex, murder, and stuff" does not make sense to me, and again it is unnecessarily complex. I much prefer "I mean, I didn't want to be recognized because I've cheated on my taxes, had group sex, committed murder, and stuff." The sentence with the "but" should have a "because" instead of "but." In other words, "she" or "he" did not want to be recognized because of their sordid past.
    – rhetorician
    Jan 16, 2022 at 22:47

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