1

In your opinion, is it appropriate to use the expression in conclusion in a formal letter? If not, how can I replace it?

Dear Ms Murphy,

I am writing to apply for the position of shop assistant in the music department of your department store, which I saw advertised in an article of the London Globe.

First of all, I must admit that I was thrilled to read about the possibility of working with music since I have been studying piano for eight years and I am also passionate about string instruments. Moreover, I am quite interested in today's music trends and how popular music genres have changed over the years.

In conclusion, considering my passion and interest regarding music, I would be delighted to be a shop assistant in your music department. I am available all summer and I would be happy to attend an interview at any time convenient to you.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

XY

1
  • You don't want to say "working with music". Perhaps: working in area that focuses on music.
    – Lambie
    Jul 7, 2022 at 18:09

1 Answer 1

1

Although using "in conclusion" here is not wrong per se, you can simply remove it from your sentence to make it better. In conclusion is generally used when you're making a definitive point, not a request.

In your case, simply writing "Considering my passion ..." would read better in my opinion.

3
  • 1
    Agreed. In addition, the phrase, "in conclusion" would be more appropriate where the text preceding it constituted a longer and more involved discussion than the OP has in their letter.
    – tkp
    Jul 7, 2022 at 17:21
  • Thanks everyone for your replies! 🙂
    – Simo Ita
    Jul 7, 2022 at 18:24
  • No problem! Please mark the answer as accepted if it answered your question :) Jul 7, 2022 at 22:36

You must log in to answer this question.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged .