How can I rewrite this sentence to make it clear? [closed]

Question

I'm told that this sentence is confusing and hard to understand.

A little further the road skirted a small lake — a lonely sight for the glance, cast out of the window in the evening.

What I mean:

1. There was a road near the lake.
2. If you look through the window, like when you are bored, not trying to see something specific there (a.k.a cast a glance, I know no better option), you can see the lake there.
3. This lake is the only interesting thing you can see (lonely sight) - there is nothing else but wilderness.
4. And at the same time it gives you some pleasure/you like it (optional).

As I understand it, there are two problems:

• sight for the glance
• glance, cast out of the window

Please mention what else is confusing in the original sentence, if any.

I thought about it a lot and used some dictionaries, but they can't provide me with phrases and language constructions enough.

I want to start with the road and keep most of the original sense. How can I rewrite it to be clear and understandable? Feel free to provide an example.

Answer 1

The first part of the sentence is understandable although “a little further the road” strikes me as awkward at best.

Being lonely is an emotion. Sights do not have emotions. “Sight for a glance” is a very odd locution: a “sight” and a “glance” have very different connotations.

A little farther on, the road skirted a lake, glimpsed with quick pleasure as dusk shrouded the otherwise unvarying wilderness.

I cannot say whether that gets in all you wanted to cram into a single sentence and whether the tone is right. But it is structured to let someone follow your emotional sequence.