This is from the ITV, Loose Women Programme see 6:20-6:30.
The ladies talking about abortions that they had in the past, and when discussing the issue, one of them says:
"Do I want to be tied to this person who, you know, for the rest of my life, and I wouldn't have been a person that would have been able to be awful about the partner."
I don't think I quite understood this part of the whole sentence:"....and I wouldn't have been a person that would have been able to be awful about the partner."
I think the sentence structure seems like Conditional Type 3.
So, did she mean: "If I had not left him at that time in the past, I wouldn't have had the chance now to complain about him, or I wouldn't have had the chance to feel awful about him now, because he was coercive and he would not have allowed me to talk about him now."
Did I understand it correctly?