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When I'm talking about my friend, who is a girl, but not a girlfriend, what word or phrase should I use? If the gender was unimportant, it would not be a problem. But if I want to note that the friend is female, not male, how should I say that, to avoid ambiguity?

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    It might help to know why it's important to specify gender. As Mitch noted, this can be awkward for native speakers too.
    – Kelly Tessena Keck
    Jan 25, 2013 at 13:41
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    Maybe it's simple because I wanted to translate the phrase from my language, and the concept of missing some information by transation is strange for me, but probably this is what could be done
    – Danubian Sailor
    Jan 25, 2013 at 14:12
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    I think "my she friend" is enough ;)
    – akbar ali
    Mar 12, 2015 at 12:50
  • "Gal pal" is a female friend and a term that isn't likely to be misinterpreted.
    – fixer1234
    Mar 19, 2017 at 2:22
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    Native English speakers often have difficulty deciding what to use in these circumstances also. I, for example, have a very good friend who just happens to be a girl. In writing the solution is easy as girlfriend is one word and girl friend isn't but in spoken English if I say girl friend it sounds like she is my girlfriend and if I say anything else I feel like I am saying 'This is my friend, she is a girl, but I really need you to know we are not in a relationship' which can seem inappropriate, especially if she is present. I think she thinks I am saying she is not good enough.
    – RedPython
    Mar 24, 2017 at 13:11

11 Answers 11

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135

My female friend is a perfectly acceptable and understandable way of putting it. A slightly more awkward phrasing that I have also heard is My friend, who is a girl....

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    This is something that has always frustrated me about the english language. Neither of those sound quite right to me, though technically of course, they are right.
    – GorrillaMcD
    Jan 24, 2013 at 4:29
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    To native speakers this is also awkward. Using just 'friend' brings up the possibility, if knowing they are of opposite sex, that they are a romantic involvement, but to be truthful you want to deny that, but you don't want to seem like totally denying that you're denying even the possibility but they -are- attractive and if it were a different world but you can't say that because on an objective scale they're not -that- attractive either and what if my girlfriend hears this but...oh my god what a mess. OK, just a friend. Dang.
    – Mitch
    Jan 24, 2013 at 15:07
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    We often work around the problem by saying "My friend Anne" or some such.
    – BobRodes
    Jul 4, 2013 at 18:22
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    I just read an article where a native english speaker spoke about her friends, who are girls, mentioning them as "my girlfriends".
    – Pop Flamingo
    Apr 21, 2014 at 10:16
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    @JasonPatterson the male equivalent would be "guy friend(s)".
    – JJJ
    Mar 13, 2018 at 4:42
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There's nothing in the language that requires you to characterize with a noun. You can frame your discourse much less awkwardly with constructions like:

My friend Sidney? she'll be there, too ...
I have a friend, Sidney, her command of English is amazing ...
There's this girl, Sidney, friend of mine from school ...
You know my friend Sidney, Ed's little sister ...
My friend Sidney's pregnant ...

Talk about the person, not the role, and Great Mother English will take care of you.

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  • 39
    This is what I always tell my Italian friends: by the next sentence it will become clear.
    – Groky
    Jan 31, 2013 at 13:29
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    My friend Sidney is Ed's little brother. :)
    – BobRodes
    Jul 4, 2013 at 18:21
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    It is a tad awkward even for native speakers, but contriving a sentence so as to force a gendered pronoun like "she" and "her" is the ideal way to do it. You get across the idea of gender, but you make it a sub-point that could easily be overlooked if someone doesn't care. Note that if you really want to make a point of gender because it's important, you'll need to be more explicit to avoid the old comic trope, "sure, that's fine...wait, did you say SHE?"
    – BrianH
    Jul 26, 2013 at 15:52
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    I thought Sidney was a male name.
    – kinokijuf
    Oct 5, 2014 at 14:38
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    @bubakazouba Just refer to her as your friend, without the name. But if she's your friend you oughta know her name!
    – StoneyB on hiatus
    Jul 17, 2015 at 21:22
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In written English, you could use girl friend rather than girlfriend. According to Wiktionary, the former means a female friend, whereas the latter means a female partner.

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    Absolutely correct, and works perfectly in written English--not so much when spoken, unfortunately. I've always found this topic interesting, as I hear many people refer to male platonic friends as "guy friends" (which would never be confused with a boyfriend) but the difference between "girl friend" and "girlfriend" cannot be heard when spoken.
    – WendiKidd
    Feb 8, 2013 at 22:47
  • along the same lines as "guy friends" is the term "gal friends." Two notes on that phrase: 1) I've only ever heard it used in the plural 2) I've only ever heard it used by people above a certain age
    – Yes I use MUMPS
    Apr 2, 2013 at 21:39
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    Don't forget "gal pals"!
    – Tyler James Young
    Sep 16, 2013 at 22:58
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    In Persian, the difference is "Doost-e Dokhtar" (girl friend) and "DoostDokhtar" (girlfriend). The problem is that English doesn't differ between additive and adjective phrases
    – Ahmad
    Feb 18, 2018 at 16:00
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If you are a male, the phrase "female friend" works. If you are a female, the phrase "girlfriend" is actually acceptable, though somewhat uncommon depending on region. But English speakers tend to be unspecific unless the conversation requires you to specify your friend's gender.

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    It's definitely acceptable, but it's uncommon enough that it might cause confusion in contexts where 1) it's not commonly used by women to refer to their female friends and 2) the person listening doesn't know (or wouldn't assume) your sexual orientation (or for that matter, if you are a woman who dates women).
    – Kelly Tessena Keck
    Jan 24, 2013 at 14:19
  • That's definitely true. I rather expect that within the next few decades this usage will be almost entirely phased out, or be considered somewhat "archaic".
    – Ken Bellows
    Jan 25, 2013 at 10:42
  • KenB, that wouldn't surprise me at all. I think I know exactly one person (in her 40s, and from North Carolina) who uses "girlfriend" used to mean "a woman's platonic female friend."
    – Kelly Tessena Keck
    Jan 25, 2013 at 13:40
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    I have actually seen boyfriend used this same way (though in the plural), but only once. This is exceedingly rare.
    – TRiG
    Jan 30, 2013 at 21:40
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Probably the easiest and simplest way is to just call her your friend and refer to her with a female pronoun. For example, "My friend Sidney is helping me move. She'll be here in an hour."

"Female friend" or "girl friend" is grammatically correct, but it calls a lot more attention to gender, which can be awkward. (If you talk about your male friends as "friends" and your female friends as "female friends," it implies that they're somehow a different kind of friend because they're female.)

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18

You might say "my friend <her name>", if her name is unambiguously female. That avoids the problem without being specific about her gender.

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    OP mentions wanting to imply gender, might want to mention not being too particular in English. "but if I want to note that the friend is female not male, how should I say that"
    – Ryan Leonard
    Jan 23, 2013 at 21:52
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    @Rhino -- true, but sometimes it's desirable to avoid awkwardness, and to me, "female friend" sounds like one is trying too hard. (Admittedly, I'm from a generation in which "lady friend" is still acceptable.)
    – barbara beeton
    Jan 23, 2013 at 22:57
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    @barbarabeeton, I thought "lady friend" implied romantic interest. Not necessarily that two people are a couple, but that they're dating or the man hopes they will be at some point. (But I'm not from the generation that uses it, so the contexts in which I've heard it are probably really limited.)
    – Kelly Tessena Keck
    Jan 25, 2013 at 13:43
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It's not unusual in this situation to dispel ambiguity by further specifying the origin or current context of your friendship. This can be done with a simple compound of the context and the word friend (alternatively, 'partner' or possibly 'buddy' - although this is more commonly applied to men).

Examples:

family-friend

school-friend

drinking-buddy

bridge-partner

If you wish to make gender obvious, then it's best to use a pronoun to do this.

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  • While "bridge-partner" doesn't imply any such thing, it seems to have become common to refer to someone with whom one is in a committed relationship as "partner" rather than "spouse". While this avoids any reference to marriage, it doesn't imply a casual relationship. (So be careful.)
    – barbara beeton
    Aug 2, 2018 at 14:25
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My platonic lady friend.

This states that you are just friends. Platonic says your just friends and avoids lady/female friend being interpreted improperly.

As suggested by J.R. as well, you can say:

She's a platonic friend.

Here gender is shown by the pronoun she.

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    "lady friend" sounds a bit awkward, and in some regions/context has a connotation of a, perhaps illegitimate, romantic/sexual relationship.
    – Flimzy
    Jan 24, 2013 at 19:06
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    If you use "lady friend", be sure to avoid the problems @Flimzy notes by stressing the first word and leering while you say it. Maybe wink for good measure.
    – Shog9
    Jan 25, 2013 at 1:57
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    When you use platonic to qualify your friendship, you're giving recognition to a sexual under-current which is not realized. The word expresses a limitation in a sexual relationship, not the absence of one.
    – Kaz
    Feb 16, 2013 at 17:29
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    In the American South, especially, "lady friend" has a very explicit meaning of implying a sexual relationship, and it often implies disapproval (though it varies in context and sometimes is just an attempt at expressing a potentially inappropriate relationship in polite terms). Attempting to add "platonic" or anything implying non-sexuality would immediately provoke a reaction of "oh yeah, sure, I'll bet you are just friends". So I assume you'll be going to the party with your very special best platonic lady friend who you definitely aren't having sex with, right? "Thou doth protest too much"
    – BrianH
    Jul 26, 2013 at 16:02
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    To me, using 'platonic' implies that there could be some love interest, or a very close relationship. Not what I would use to refer to a girl who is just a friend.
    – Alfro
    Jun 16, 2016 at 13:30
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If it's just some girl you know, try:

A friend of mine, her name is Hildegart....

or:

Hildegart, a friend of mine...

if it's your girl, use:

My girlfriend Hildegart is giving the ...

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If we’re talking about a particular female friend, assuming she has already been introduced before, problem should not arise because we can/should use the pronouns, namely- she, her, etc. or just her name. Even if we’re referring to a friend, who is a girl/woman, for the very first time, we have various options for referring to her without the gender tag, like-

  • Katie/She is a close friend of mine.
  • My friend Liza can sing very well.
  • Today I’m going to visit my friend Margie. And so on.

However, sometimes we may have to use the gender tag:

  • Do you have any female friend(s)?

The term ‘friend’ is often used in a gross sense, so instead of ‘friend,’ we can also use ‘acquaintance’ or ‘colleague’.

  • I attended the birthday party of a lady colleague.

The word friend, in the real sense of the term, has a sovereign dignity, and sounds great when used in that way.

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A friend who is a girl may be either "a girl friend" or "a girlfriend".

Girlfriend - sex = girl friend.

Girl friend:- It means there is an empty space for someone more special.

Girlfriend:- It means there is no space for someone else to be more important.

The same explanation occurs with 'boy friend' and 'boyfriend'.

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  • I heartily disagree that a "girlfriend" minus the sexual relationship is a "girl friend", in your words, an empty space for someone more special. Please support your answer with facts.
    – Mari-Lou A
    Sep 13, 2020 at 18:24

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