3

[Batman has just fought off Scarecrow and a group of Batman wannabes]

Batman: Don't let me find you out here again.

Brian: We're trying to help you!

Batman: I don't need help.

Dr. Jonathan Crane: Not my diagnosis!

Brian: What gives you the right? What's the difference between you and me?

[Batman lowers himself into the Batmobile]

Batman: I'm not wearing hockey pads!

-- The.Dark.Knight 2008

What's meant by Not my diagnosis in this context? I don't get it.

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    Somehow I got it. The doctor is saying "I disagree with you. My diagnosis is that you (Batman) really need help". Am I right? – Kinzle B Nov 25 '14 at 12:55
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    You're absolutely right! – Damkerng T. Nov 25 '14 at 13:00
5

Firstly, we need to expand Dr Crane's contracted sentence. He's really saying

"[That's] not my diagnosis!"

With this clarification, suddenly we have a subject for the sentence - the subject being Batman's previous sentence. Dr Crane is saying "I don't agree with you" or "I wouldn't diagnose the situation in that way"

Or more explicitly

"I disagree, you do need help"

Note that Jonathan Crane is a Doctor. While this doesn't actually matter (anyone can use the word diagnosis) it is an attempt at a joke. Superhero comics in particular are full of rubbish jokes like these, which are part of their charm

A doctor looks at a patient and "diagnoses" the illness/problem. In this context, he is "diagnosing" that Batman needs help.

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    Dr. Crane's specialty is psychiatry, which means that he specifically diagnoses mental illnesses. The phrase "you need help" is a common euphemism for "you need psychiatric care". Or, even more explicitly than above, "You think that you don't need help? That's not my diagnosis. You do have a mental illness, and you do require psychiatric treatment." – Gary Botnovcan Nov 30 '14 at 17:43

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