When is it acceptable to say 'my son'

Question

I've heard the phrase being used in multiple occasions. But I'm not sure, when exactly it is OK to use this phrase.

It seems to be acceptable in a religious context. For example a priest talking to a member of his church. It is of course OK if you are actually speaking to your son.

But I've also heard it being used in different situations. For example a man talking to some child. Or a much elderly person talking to a younger one. This is what I'm really interested in. Is the phrase always acceptable in these situations?

Are there other situations where the phrase would be acceptable?

Answer 1

There are two cases for (my) son:

1. Church context:
   One reason for celibacy in the catholic church is, that the priest should not be "distracted" by his own family, but consider his congregation as his family with him in a paternal role. Hence addressing him as "father XYZ". So it's perfectly acceptable to call his parishioners "my son" or "my daughter". This father/child addressing works in many different languages because it expresses an understanding of their relationship and tasks. The "my" is fine here.
2. Seniority, often protective:
   Usually used without the "my", the address "son" expresses the - temporal, usually just for the moment - assumption of a father-like role (or mentor) by the speaker to the addressee. Think of "it takes a village to raise a child" (from a different origin, but same thought). It always carries an undertone of seniority, often reflected in the age difference. Normally, the speaker would use "son" in a well-meaning way, even when admonishing. This seems only to work for boys, though, I have never heard the phrase "daughter" in a similar context. "Kid" might perhaps work for girls.

EDIT:
just for the sake of completeness, as requested ^_^:

3. Expressing the social or biological relationship:
   Father or mother talking to their son. But I'm quite sure that's not what OP was asking...

Answer 2

The term is (literally) patronising. It says that you are speaking as a father (or mother, of course) might speak to their son. It implies that you consider yourself older and wiser than the person you are addressing. It is therefore very likely to cause mild offence if the other person has a different view of your status or of your relationship.

Answer 3

"My son" may be used in a condescending context.

Example: You have much to learn about being kind to people, my son.

It may also be used in an educating context.

Example: You did well on the archery range today my son.

It may be used in a parent to child conversation but may also be used in speech where you are trying to convey a person of authority or role model.

For instance, a parent might very well congratulate their child for a good performance in archery. A good friend may also compliment your performance and add "my son" if they perhaps taught their friend how to shoot a bow and arrow.

In general day to day conversation, it is not used.

Answer 4

Since you are in Germany, I shall add that it's more or less equivalent to saying "junger Mann", which I find myself using these days. So only use it if you are a lot older.

Actually, in English and in England I'd stick to just saying "son", if you feel you need to say it at all.

Answer 5

Not really an answer - but unable to comment... However, the usage of the phrase as the end of this exemplifies the usage. Doesn't specifically refer to the readers 'Son', but is the authoritive words of wisdom passed down by an elder.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or being hated, don’t give way to hating, And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!