I just start a job with a new company and now, i would like to write an email to introduce myself. However, I want it is written without mistakes.

Dear Colleagues:
How are you? Hope things go with everyone of you fantastical! Xiaoming is my name. I would work as Market executive from today with all of you professionals.
With years' working experience in fashion and costume jewelry industry, I was seeking for a job, in which I could use my previous experience and knowledge to contribute myself to a energetic team as supportive team worker. I believe I find this opportunity. Thanks for your time on reading this email as new staff onboard notification.

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    I won't proofread this email, as much as it needs serious editing: that's off topic. But I will say that it's too Chinese (too much flattery, too much hyperbole, & too vague) for an English email. If your boss hasn't already done so, it might be OK to send an introductory email to your coworkers ("Hi Everyone!") to tell them your name, your position, & a hint of your previous experience. Maybe you can say that you'd be happy to chat over coffee, tea, or cocoa on a break or at lunch, but don't expect a rush of takers for the invite. Don't gush. – user264 Apr 7 '13 at 7:36
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    I agree with almost everything that @Bill said, although I'd discourage you from sending an introductory email altogether. I get over 30 emails per day at work – more than half of them unwanted, usually – so I don't think you'd be starting on the right foot by sending an email to everyone in your company. We get spammed enough as it is. Everyone will have a chance to meet you face-to-face soon enough; that's when you want to make a good impression. Oh, and don't add a blank space before your question marks. – J.R. Apr 7 '13 at 8:15
  • Thank you for your comments. Unfortunately, it is my boss who asked me to send this greeting email.... – Ann Xie Apr 7 '13 at 8:41
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    Ah, but you've omitted that vital information from your question. All you said was, "I would like to write an email..." causing us to jump to a wrong conclusion. Had you said, "My boss has asked me to send an email greeting, but my English isn't so good..." you would have got a much different reaction from me. I'm now inclined to advise, "Don't talk about yourself so much," as @Bill said, but I'm not sure what your boss asked you to include in the email – maybe your boss asked you to mention your years of working in the industry? The more you tell us, the better we can answer your question. – J.R. Apr 7 '13 at 8:52
  • she asked me to write an email to all office stuff to introduce myself briefly and for greeting as well.And she already complained other stuff could not write a perfect English email. So, I need to avoid the mistake in my email, especially this email is going to send all our branch offices. So , According to Bill 's comments, I revised my email as below, if you have time, kindly comment. Thanks – Ann Xie Apr 7 '13 at 9:01

Hope things go with everyone of you fantastical!

is a very badly-worded sentence; what you'd really want to say is:

I hope all of you are doing great!

but I wouldn't even put that in an introduction. I think it would make you sound overly excited, which would probably give your introduction an aura of phoniness.

I think it's best to keep such introductions simple. Plus, make the email more about the company, and less about you. That way, people are less likely to misinterpret your email as you showing off, or fear that you are going to shake things up too much.

Dear Colleagues: My name is Xiaoming, and I'm a new marketing executive with our company. I'm looking forward to working with all of you. I have quite a bit of experience in the industry, but I'm looking forward to learning a lot more. Thanks for your time and for making me feel welcome here.



As for your second draft, it's much better, but still has a lot of problems:

Dear Everyone : My name is Xiaoming, and start my work today as Market executive. I am from China, in mid-age, have been engaging in fashion and custume jewellery industry for over 5 years. I am glad to have this opportunity of working with you, and would like to chat with you over coffee, tea, or at lunch time. Thank you Best regards

  • I liked "Colleagues" better than "Everyone". If you want to use "Everyone", say "Hi, everyone." We don't use "Dear" with "everyone."
  • Say "I start my work", not "start my work" (or, even better, "I'm starting my work"). I'd also leave out the word "today" – what if people read it tomorrow?
  • Don't say mid-age; that's too ambiguous. Say, "in my 40s" or "in my 50s". If you just turned 40, you can say "in my early 40s"; if you're about to turn 40, you can say "in my late 30s".
  • Don't say "engaging in", say "working in". We engage in conversation, we work in the industry.
  • Don't spell jewelry with two L's if it's an American company. Don't spell costume wrong. By the way, you should spell-check your emails – and your questions on ELL. (That's just courtesy; your colleagues get paid to work with you, we don't.)
  • Don't say "I would like to chat with you..." Believe it or not, "I would like" can sound demanding. (Think: "I'd like you to take out the trash now."). Use something like, "I hope to have the chance to chat with you..." instead.
  • Are you sure it's Market executive? I'd expect marketing executive. And you don't use an upper-case M unless it's the formal name of the department, e.g.: I'm a new executive in the Marketing Department.
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    :Your comment is highly appreciated here! It is very detailed . I learned a lot from your comments -- Not only how to write an email in English, but also with correct attitude -- nor be over humble, neither too much flattery. Thank you – Ann Xie Apr 7 '13 at 10:07

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