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I have a female friend and we used to have good feelings about each other, but we didn't end up becoming a couple. The problem was whenever we planed to meet at the time we were supposed to meet, she was always late for the appointment. So ...

  1. I came to hate her.

  2. I had come to hate her.

Number 2 is familiar with me, but I just want to know the difference between them.

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    Would resent be a better word than hate? "Hate" seems like a strong word for chronic lateness.
    – J.R. ♦
    Mar 26, 2015 at 9:32

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No. 1 is ambiguous, because "I came" can mean "I arrived" or "I went," as in, "I came here for a good cup of coffee." It almost makes it sound like you're trying to say, "I went to Incheon so I could hate her."

I would probably say,

I grew to dislike her.

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  • How about verb 'think'? I (grew to think / had grown to think) she was not a person that I like to be in a relationship with.
    – jihoon
    Mar 26, 2015 at 9:40
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    @jihoon - There are countless ways to say it, not just one or two. That's the beauty of English.
    – J.R. ♦
    Mar 26, 2015 at 9:51
  • Yes!! I got it!! and I think you could be a korean seeing as you know Incheon. Or have you ever been here in Korea?
    – jihoon
    Mar 26, 2015 at 9:53
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    I've never been to Korea, but I'm smart enough to realize that I shouldn't always use cities like Boston or Philadelphia when giving examples to English learners. :^) Picking a different city might help the learner contexualize the example better.
    – J.R. ♦
    Mar 26, 2015 at 9:58
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    @jihoon "I had grown to think we were incompatible" is a good way to say this.
    – DJMcMayhem
    Mar 26, 2015 at 15:04

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