1

Well, I'm stuck on some sentence construction. So, which of the following pairs of sentences sounds better to you?

  1. I am writing in response to your advertisement on your website. Regarding your Network Manager opening in Southampton, I would like to apply for that position.
  2. I am writing in response to your advertisement on your website. I read about your need for a Network Manager in Southampton and I would like to apply for that position.

Thank you in advance for your help.

  • 2
    I don't know for sure about other countries, but in the UK, we normally put those sentences the other way round. "I'm writing to apply for the position of (X) as advertised on ..... " – Araucaria - Not here any more. Apr 22 '15 at 12:55
  • Grammar-wise the sentences are fine... but there are several other issues you might want to consider. Word choice - one usually doesn't respond to an advertisement. Next, two times your is redundant - would a third party post a job offering on their website? Possible, but unlikely. Also, I would follow Araucaria's advice about sentence order. Verbs like 'I read', 'I am writing' etc are fine but they can make your letter bulky and deflect reader's attention from other important things, such as you qualifications and achievements, if this is a motivation letter for instance. – Lucky Apr 22 '15 at 16:33
  • I think Sentence 2 sounds better, but it would be better to write "I have read about your need..." – elena Apr 22 '15 at 18:12
2

Both are correct English, and the second one sounds better, but in my opinion they are both much too lengthy. If you are applying for a job you want to grab the reader's attention as quickly as possible and you aren't telling the reader anything he doesn't know by stating that the job posting exists.

I would try something more along the lines of "I am an experienced network manager with x years of experience working for y and would be a great fit for your Network Manager position in Southampton."

  • Regarding #2, I personally don't like the double use of "your". I think "the advertisement on your website" sounds better. – Senjougahara Hitagi Nov 7 '15 at 1:51

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