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I know proofreading is not allowed. Just have some specific questions. It's a dedication and aknowledgements sections of my thesis.

Are these expressions common in English? I just did a direct translation from Spanish:

  • 'since they had enough patience to teach me'
  • 'and having a curiosity-driven personality'
  • 'enough to win my affection'

Thanks!

DEDICATION

This thesis is dedicated to the people that contributed to my education, since they had enough patience to teach me and motivated me to find out more.

AKNOWLEDGEMENTS

First person I would like to thank for her work is my mentor Virginia Aragon, for being outstandingly clever and creative, having also a great intuition.

My committee members: Dr. Marcelo Gottschalk, Florencia Correa Fiz, and Alex Olvera van der Stoep, for being interested in my dissertation and having a curiosity-driven personality. Hope this work meets your expectations.

My great friends and people I met in CReSA, with their simple and conventional style but at the same time a charismatic personality, enough to win my affection. Also to the people from the university for making these four years a very pleasant stay in Barcelona.

To my family and girlfriend Elena. They are wonderful and permitted me to enter and discover the word of science.

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  • Unfortunately the three phrases you mentioned are not common expressions, however there are some similar phrases, I'll try write these up in context for you in a comment. When you say 'simple and conventional style but at the same time a charismatic personality' what are you trying to convey?
    – amblina
    Commented Jul 15, 2015 at 12:28
  • @amblina, with 'Charismatic' I'm trying to say that they have the ability to effortlessly win the affection of others. With 'simple and conventional' I mean they are not 'Flamboyant' or 'chic' people.
    – biotech
    Commented Jul 15, 2015 at 12:43
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    OK, in that case, I think the best phrase for this would be to say they are 'down to earth' (practical / sensible / responsible / sane/ friendly / reasonable) dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/british/down-to-earth or that they are 'straightforward' (honest / frank / simple) dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/british/straightforward. Bear in mind that in english if you describe someone as 'simple' it can mean that you believe them to be not intellectual/intelligent, so this may not be the best choice of words to express that someone is not flamboyant due to that connotation.
    – amblina
    Commented Jul 15, 2015 at 12:50
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    I think this is proofreading. The three phrases are fine by themselves, but there are some problems in context, which requires us to proofread. Saying "yes those are fine" would mislead you, so the only way to give a proper and useful answer is to proofread the whole thing.
    – DCShannon
    Commented Jul 16, 2015 at 0:42
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    @DCShannon Proofreading is off-topic if a specific concern hasn't been identified. I think the concerns have been identified and that we aren't being asked to correct the entire passage. Rather it is context for the specific concerns. I'd rather have a lot of context than none at all.
    – ColleenV
    Commented Jul 16, 2015 at 20:29

1 Answer 1

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This one is pretty straight forward and is a common way of conveying this sentiment in a dedication section:

(I am thanking them) since they had enough patience to teach me

(I am thanking them) for having the patience to teach me

A curiosity-driven personality is more often described as a 'natural curiosity/inquisitiveness' or a 'inquisitive nature'. In this context, I would use 'natural curiosity'.

(I am thanking them for) having a curiosity-driven personality

(I am thanking them for) their natural curiosity

This one is a little more tricky. The alternative I've gone for would work in this context and is the closest phrase to yours however, I might leave that bit out.

(I thank my friends for being DESCRIPTION) enough to win my affection

(I thank my friends for being DESCRIPTION) enough to win me over


A couple of rewordings of your sentences can be found below as examples of usage. If you think any of the sentences are no longer expressing what you are wanting to convey, please let me know and we can think of something more appropriate to what you wish to say.

A more natural way of saying this:

This thesis is dedicated to the people that contributed to my education, since they had enough patience to teach me and motivated me to find out more.

Would be this:

This thesis is dedicated to those who contributed to my education for their patience in teaching me and motivating me to find out more

And with your second request:

My committee members: Dr. Marcelo Gottschalk, Florencia Correa Fiz, and Alex Olvera van der Stoep, for being interested in my dissertation and having a curiosity-driven personality. Hope this work meets your expectations.

I would go with this:

I would also like to thank my committee members: Dr. Marcelo Gottschalk, Florencia Correa Fiz, and Alex Olvera van der Stoep, for their interest in my dissertation and their natural curiosity. I hope this work meets your expectations.

This is assuming you are talking about all three committee members being interested/curious. If you are wanting to only describe Alex Olvera van der Stoep, this sentence will need to be slightly changed to indicate that.

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  • I'm talking about all three committee members.
    – biotech
    Commented Jul 15, 2015 at 12:45
  • I actually like the original version better for both the first and second parts. The third part is all kinds of messed up. The whole sentence needs rephrased: "My great friends and people I met in CReSA, with their simple and conventional style but at the same time a charismatic personality, enough to win my affection." -> "My great friends and the people I met in CReSA. They were charismatic, despite a simple and conventional style, winning my affection.
    – DCShannon
    Commented Jul 16, 2015 at 0:41
  • Do you mean in the sentences at the top or the reworked paragraphs in the second section?
    – amblina
    Commented Jul 16, 2015 at 8:54
  • Both. The second part with paragraphs also serves as evidence that this question is proofreading, since you deemed that the best way to answer the question. I would offer alternative suggestions, but then I would be proofreading your answer which is proofreading for the question, and we quickly see why we don't like proofreading questions.
    – DCShannon
    Commented Jul 17, 2015 at 19:58

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