- The darkness, which had felt like it would last forever, gives way to dawn.
- The heavens open and light, which had seemed never to return, flows down.
- I could not help be overcome by wonder as I watched all creation, which had been swallowed by the darkness, come back to life.
Yes, there's no grammatical problem writing them, but the sequence of tenses is not correct: you can't use past perfect and simple present in the same sentence, as you do in sentences 1 and 2; neither makes grammatical sense.
Even though the sequence of tenses is correct in sentence 3, it clashes with the simple present in sentences 1 and 2. You must be consistent about tense. That's not style, it's grammar.
In sentence 2, you need a comma after "The heavens open". If it's not there, you lead the reader down the garden path to believing that "open" is a verb rather than a noun which is the subject of the conjoined clause.