I hope this confuses, and scares the hell out of, well, everybody. Here's a quote from an O.Henry story:
Every few minutes he would remember that he was a pesky redskin, and pick up his stick rifle and tiptoe to the mouth of the cave to rubber for the scouts of the hated paleface. Now and then he would let out a warwhoop that made Old Hank the Trapper, shiver. That boy had Bill terrorized from the start.
'Red Chief,' says I to the kid, 'would you like to go home?'
'Aw, what for?' says he. 'I don't have any fun at home. I hate to go to school. I like to camp out. You won't take me back home again, Snake-eye, will you?'
'Not right away,' says I. 'We'll stay here in the cave a while.'
'All right!' says he. 'That'll be fine. I never had such fun in all my life.'
Wherefore the third person singular?