In one of the last Tolstoy's Anna Karenina novel's translations there is this following line:
Marian Schwartz:
she “clearly realized that he found offensive her hand, her gesture and the sound she was making with her lips.”'
Compared to some of the previous ones, I think this one is the best one.
For example:
Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky:
she “clearly understood that he was disgusted by her hand, and her gesture, and the sound her lips made.”
Rosamund Bartlett:
she “understood clearly . . . that he was repulsed by her hand, her gesture, and the sound she made with her lips.”
The thing is, I'm not a native English speaker but still think that that one from Marian Schwartz could be improved a bit more. I'm thinking:
she “clearly realized that he found her hand, her gesture and the sound she was making with her lips offensive.”'
But as a non-Native English speaker I'm not sure if that's just because of my Spanish bias. Would all those things considered offensive be too much, too many, to have before the 'offensive' adjective?
Someone knows if there's a grammatical rule to support this? (not that I'd disagree with breaking grammar rules, but would like to know if there is one)