I am trying to translate Osamu Dazai's essay 如是我聞(Thus I heard from the Buddha) into English.
The original text belongs to the public domain: http://www.aozora.gr.jp/cards/000035/files/1084_15078.html
You can read about the author here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Osamu_Dazai
You can read parts of my translation here: http://lang-8.com/1483508
Here is a part of my translation:
To tell the truth, I lied to him. I had a girlfriend at that time. I didn't want to leave her. That's why I declined the proposal with a fake reason. I had big troubles with this girl later, but I don't regret my decision. I even think that having troubles together with a poor stupid girl is more difficult and nobler an enterprise than going abroad.
My question is about the following sentences in the above.
I had a girlfriend at that time. I didn't want to leave her.
Someone told me that these should be rewritten as follows.
At that time, I had a girlfriend, whom I didn't want to leave.
I wonder which is better.
Remark The previous paragraph of the above is as follows. http://lang-8.com/1483508/journals/215960620314216056838140082359796270126