11

I'm from South East Asia, and in here, it's very common to use "kindly" as a written polite request to other people, and I often see it on the internet as well. But I've just discovered that from this website, "kindly" is regarded as a "low-brow, patronizing, and overly sensitive".

Other people are recommending that you use the word "kindly". Please, never use the word "kindly" when interacting with Americans. In the view of Americans, only English-speaking Indians use this word. It comes across as low-brow, patronizing, and overly sensitive.

Oh wow, I never know that. But coming from a non native western background and culture, I have nobody here I can crosscheck information with. Maybe someone here with the appropriate culture background knowledge can give some insight? Is this a general view, or just a partial view of Americans about this word? Should I stop using this word from now on, or I just overly worried over nothing? Thanks.

Improve this question
7
  • 2
    I think that is just one person's opinion. Kindly does come across as slightly formal and old-fashioned, but "low-brow, patronizing, and overly sensitive"?!?! Overuse of kindly come across as a bit patronizing, maybe, but that's all.
    – stangdon
    Commented Jul 26, 2016 at 2:52
  • 1
    I took a look at the link. I wouldn't regard that one commentator as authoritative. It's rare to hear requests beginning with kindly in the US. It's more common to use please in place of kindly, but I have heard it nonetheless. I certainly wouldn't call it inappropriate, and I don't use phrases such as low-brow, particularly in reference to one's dialect. What I find to be most inappropriate was that person's answer to the question. I think he came across as racist to be honest.
    – Giambattista
    Commented Jul 26, 2016 at 2:56
  • 1
    Well, it certainly shouldn't offend anyone. I will say that to me, saying please kindly… is a little over-the-top, and I'm not sure that I've heard it that way before. But that doesn't make it inappropriate.
    – Giambattista
    Commented Jul 26, 2016 at 3:04
  • 1
    @ChenLiYong - "Please kindly" sounds strange to this American English speaker. They mean pretty much the same thing, so using both is redundant.
    – stangdon
    Commented Jul 26, 2016 at 12:38
  • 1
    @ChenLiYong At the risk of overstating the case, the guy who wrote this "advice" is something of a fool. As for patronizing, Mr Davis himself sounds like an exemplar of that trait. Some of his advice makes sense, but this particular nugget is just plain stupid. Remember, the internet is big. Always seek many answers (as you have done here!) For me, "kindly" can sound a little off-putting, and you won't hear it used here in the same way as it is frequently used in S. Asian English. Use "please" until you have some real conversations of your own, and you'll "get it" eventually.
    – P. E. Dant Reinstate Monica
    Commented Jul 26, 2016 at 19:48

7 Answers 7

Reset to default
5

Please keep in mind that the post you provided is the opinion of one person. I think it's going to be difficult to accurately assess how Americans view the word kindly. I'm American, I personally do not harbor the feelings expressed in that post. In fact, if someone used the word kindly in that fashion, I would find it particularly polite.

Of course, this is also the opinion of one person. But I can assure you that please is certainly more popular than kindly. I provide some cursory search data of American English. I searched "kindly" and "please". It's hard to gather the exact meanings, since they can change according to context. However, notice the top return is "please do". enter image description here

Expanding further, we see that please do dominates kindly do, as an example, and appears to have the meaning we seek.

enter image description here

If you want to be safe (around Americans), you should use please. But I truly do not think you need to worry.

Improve this answer
1
  • This is a great scientific answer! In here, we rarely use "please do", so I have a little difficulty to put it into words. "Please do check this document attached" sounds a little patronising to me. But maybe that's because I'm unfamiliar with the phrase. So I'll try and learn to internalise it. Btw, can I get the url of this website if I want to run queries about commonly used words?
    – Chen Li Yong
    Commented Jul 27, 2016 at 2:57
5

I think that one of the main problems is that English language learners learn "nice words" like "kindly" and "please". They then believe that just by putting them into a sentence, the sentence will become polite.

Example:

[At a performance] Kindly sit down and be quiet. (sounds fairly patronizing)

[Exiting an elevator] Please move out of my way. (please is used but the sentence doesn't sound polite at all)

Examples of what I consider polite without using "nice words":

[At a performance] We appreciate everyone's cooperation in keeping the performance quiet and enjoyable for the whole audience.

[Exiting an elevator] This is my floor.

In short, using words like "kindly" can seem patronizing depending on contents of the sentence and situational context.

Improve this answer
2
  • Yeah I can see how this comes to play. It's all depends on the motive and context too. Asian people sometimes try to keep the conversation polite, but actually has a subdued hostile meaning. So this is actually on point.
    – Chen Li Yong
    Commented Jul 27, 2016 at 3:01
  • 1
    As a native English speaker I can confirm kindly almost always comes across as patronising, unless it's clear that the speaker has limited English skills, in which case you get let off (to an extent). It's somewhat akin to "I don't want to be rude, but" - which is then followed by something intentionally rude. Best avoided
    – Neil
    Commented Sep 15, 2019 at 21:17
3

I am a Scottish Woman and I find the word kindly, in a certain context during conversation, very irritating. Wondering why I was so irritated by this I looked up the correct use and meaning of this word. Its seems to be a rather old fashioned word not commonly in use in the UK today; certainly not in conversation. We tend to speak of someone as kind or of showing kindness towards another. During my search, I found that in conversation it was quoted as "being used to take the edge of what would otherwise be a command"! Consider the common phrase "please kindly listen while I explain this; or kindly wait while I check this."

In my view please is asking while kindly, as already mentioned, is used to take the edge of a command. An example being in written format: 'kindly pay your debt at your earliest convenience.' The use of both words together is contradictory.

While I have no issue with please, I do find the word kindly exceptionally irritating in the context of conversation. I feel it also implies that someone is considered to be unkind or behaving in an impolite manner if the person making that statement deems it necessary to command this from the person they are talking to. Really when considering the expression in the written format, you wouldn't be asking someone to pay their debt if they were being polite or reasonable; if they had been you would need to request this. So again in the context of conversation I would suggest that it is actually rude. I would rather say "a person was kind", and rather than say "they were a kindly person", I would say they "were" or "are a kind person". Perhaps "kindly" is an old fashioned word and its mistranslation is why we hear it being used today. And while "kindly" may not be a rude word, I find the context of use is very relevant.

I accept the general intent of many non English speaker's may not be to offend; but I certainly find it very offensive. I also have an issue with being told what to do so now I fully understand why this word, when used in that context, really gets my back up!

Improve this answer
2

@Angel M has commented well on this issue.

Succinctly, "kindly" within an instruction is a nod to politeness, intended to take the edge off something which is clearly a command, not really a request, not really up for negotiation by the speaker.

It underlines that the speaker is well aware of what constitutes good manners and nevertheless the terms of the following instruction will not be negotiated.

"Kindly sit down, sir" may sound a bit Dickensian as a command but if a person is well-read in English literature they will be aware of this connotation.

"Kindly address your enquiry through the proper channels" - shuts down negotiation while pre-empting any accusation of disrespect.

"Kindly return my lawnmower" would be pretty aggressive in a note to a neighbour.

As a result, inserting "kindly" into a request gives it the construction of a command. "Kindly keep your opinions to yourself" is an example of how it would be used to intensify a statement from brusque instruction to a threatening command tone.

Therefore non-native speakers or those who have limited experience of this idiomatic use are risking creating the opposite effect they intend.

Yes, it's true that language evolves and there will be posters who are unaware of this usage who will contradict my post, claiming they've never heard of this so I'm wrong. To them I say, kindly do your homework ;)

The reason I searched out this post is that I am getting tired of these little unintentional command impacts I receive from learner friends and colleagues who use this, thinking they are appearing nice and in fact are appearing to be presumptuously ordering others around. You need to avoid using this phrase with anyone you might guess is widely read in English.

Just avoid it, it's not kindly at all.

The word kindly is useful as an adjective of a person's character, meaning "of a kind disposition". Otherwise as an adverb meaning "in a kind manner". It's a good word in general, I wish we had cause to use it more.

However it absolutely gets my goat when used to soften the tone of a request; kindly stop using it in this way.

Improve this answer
2

When taken literally by an AmE or BrE speaker, it might feel a little patronising or overly polite - but I think most native speakers today are going to recognise it as simply one of the Indian (or broadly SEA) English idiosyncrasies along with do the needful and other such phrases.

The author is right that it pretty much instantly pegs you as an Indian English speaker, but the rest of it seems to stem from an implication that InE is inherently low-brow, which is a bit of a snobbish position to say the least.

Improve this answer
1

As an American, I consider the use of the word "kindly" as a southern idiom that comes across (to me) as a condescending order, one that makes me want to advise that person where he can go. That attitude was developed from several years working with a southern boss who is now thankfully not among us anymore. This is similar to the phrase, "well bless your heart" which often means something much different, such as "well aren't you are an idiot."

Improve this answer
0

I'm from South East Asia, and in here, it's very common to use "kindly" as a written polite request to other people

In here, we rarely use "please do", so I have a little difficulty to put it into words. "Please do check this document attached" sounds a little patronising to me. But maybe that's because I'm unfamiliar with the phrase.

Actually—and further to Leo's, Angel's and Aidan's answers—it is

  • kindly remember to blah blah
  • kindly sit down
  • kindly read the attached document

rather than

  • do remember to blah blah
  • do sit down
  • do read the attached document

that sound patronising or perhaps passive-aggressively authoritative; the latter set of directions in fact sound rather warm.

Improve this answer

You must log in to answer this question.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged .