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Gramted, this is the state government’s prerogative, but does this mean all other villages and towns in India bearing a similar gaon suffix will be grammed down our throats?

In this, only the bold part seems weird.

If anything, it’s the grams in India that should have been changed to gaons (as in Sevagram to Sevagaon), although many a lentil would have wondered what comes next. That would have been mean to the bean. Wouldn’t Greengram, Horsegram, and Bengalgram panic?

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For the first phrase:

I think gramted state govt refers to the willingness of the govt. to change to suffix of the city from gaon to gram.

Then the 'grammed down to our throats' is just a fun way of writing.It's like 'rammed down our throats'.Since gram is being forced upon us, it(the speaker) has said like that.

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    "Gramted" is a play on the word granted which means "admittedly" and it is especially fitting since the name was changed to Gurugram. If you say gram is the suffix of Gurugram, then yes, I agree.
    – Em.
    Commented Jul 9, 2016 at 5:44
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although many a lentil would have wondered what comes next. That would have been mean to the bean. Wouldn’t Greengram, Horsegram, and Bengalgram panic?

Lentils are bean-shaped. I don't know if they are technically beans, per se, but the author is calling them beans. Also, I believe he is grouping Greengrams, Horsegrams, and Bengalgrams under the name/group "lentils". So if instead the name changes were from gram to gaon, then these "lentils" would have to worry/panic too because their names would change from Greengram, Horsegram, and Bengalgram to Greengaon, Horsegaon, and Bengalgaon respectively. This would have been "mean to the bean". xD

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