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Hindi has a famous (translated) proverb about marriage,

The marriage sweetmeat: those who eat it regret, and those who don't eat it also regret

This proverb conveys that marriage (or a similar significant commitment) can be both desirable and problematic. Whether someone chooses to marry or not, they may end up regretting their decision in some way.

I am curious, is there an equivalent English proverb?

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    It was originally in French, but Michel de Montaigne said, "Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out."
    – stangdon
    Commented Aug 8 at 19:46

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"Damned if you do, damned if you don't." Applicable to anything, not just marriage.

Note that while unlikely to offend per se, the use of minor profanity makes this inappropriate for some formal contexts.

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    Great suggestion. That perfectly describes the hindi proverb I mentioned. Thanks!
    – Sahil
    Commented Aug 8 at 9:31
  • The term "damned" in this instance refers to being literally damned (to hell), rather than its use as an epithet. I can't imagine anyone would be offended by its use in any context.
    – Richard
    Commented Aug 9 at 21:02
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    @Richard I didn't say it would be offensive, just inappropriate (tonally) in some cases. That being said, I've known some family-friendly media to purge any and all religious references just in case.
    – the-baby-is-you
    Commented Aug 10 at 3:26
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I would go with

Women, you can't live with them and you can't live without them

The first half can be interpreted as more surface level complaint. That women can be messy, naggy, or you have to give up certain enjoyable aspects of bachelorhood to be in a relationship with them.

While the second half hints at a much deeper meaning. That women fulfil a deeper primal need for men, or that they fulfill an emotional place in men's lives. That family is a huge part of keeping men alive past the ennui of older age that men often go through called "the mid-life crisis" which can lead men to self destructive places without family to ground them.

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  • That would only seem to work for heterosexual men and lesbian women (and I'm not sure about the latter except jokingly).
    – gerrit
    Commented Aug 9 at 13:44
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    @gerrit You can replace "women" with "men" to get the opposite perspective.
    – Barmar
    Commented Aug 9 at 14:15
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    @gerrit Are used surprised that a traditional English expression about relationships between sexes is heteronormative? OP is asking for the equivalent of a Hindi proverb and Hatman is saying what there is, not judging whether it "works" or not.
    – Kirt
    Commented Aug 9 at 15:07
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    Given the recent passing of Bob Newhart, I would be remiss in not mentioning the version of this used by Larry, Darryl, and Darryl: "Women! You can't live with them, and you can't put them in a sack!"
    – Kirt
    Commented Aug 9 at 15:19
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    @gerrit OP (or whomever provided OP with the English translation) chose to use "those who", a third-person gender neutral pronoun in English. It is not clear that it is gender neutral in the original, since even though "although the forms of Hindi pronouns themselves do not reflect their gender", "a pronoun’s...gender still exerts grammatical influence over other elements of a sentence." It may be that in the original, "those" is referring to just men and is as narrow as the expression in English.
    – Kirt
    Commented Aug 9 at 16:33
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Not exactly a proverb because it is not so much part of popular consciousness, but well-known to philosophers is something written by Søren Kierkegaard:

“Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way.

Kierkegaard continues:

Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not, you will also regret it… Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will regret that too; hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it either way; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy.”

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    "(You will) regret it either way" is a standard enough phrase, as seen in the illustrated poem Two Brothers by Existential Comics.
    – wizzwizz4
    Commented Aug 11 at 0:05
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We could consider double-edged sword:

Marriage (or a similar significant commitment) can be a double-edged sword.

Collins Dictionary defines double-edged sword:

or two-edged sword phrase If you say that something is a double-edged sword or a two-edged sword, you mean that it has negative effects as well as positive effects.

Edit

Those who choose not to get married because of fears of failure may miss out on the happiness brought on by marriage.

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    While Marriage may well be a double edged sword, I don't think this covers not getting married and regretting it
    – Smock
    Commented Aug 8 at 11:43
  • Thanks, @Smock. You're right. I've added a point to my answer.
    – Seowjooheng Singapore
    Commented Aug 8 at 13:18
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You could say that someone about to make that choice is facing a dilemma, or to use the more cliched phrase "is on the horns of a dilemma". Or perhaps a it's a horny dilemma.

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It is a “lose-lose scenario” or a “lose-lose situation”, in which, no matter which path you take, you lose.

Merriam-Webster:

    presenting two options both of which put one at a disadvantage
      (example usage) a lose-lose proposition

    Recent Examples on the Web:

        ︙
    During a war, NATO would face a lose-lose choice: lose a fight with conventional weapons or initiate a mutually catastrophic nuclear exchange.
    — Keir A. Lieber, Foreign Affairs, 24 Oct. 2023

Wiktionary:
    Having only negative outcomes.
Wordnik:
    A situation that has only negative outcomes
“lose-lose situation” at Urban Dictionary:
    You lose both ways in a situation.

    I thought that lying to Mark would keep his feelings from being hurt, but really his feelings got hurt AND he doesn't trust me any more.  That's a lose-lose situation.
Cambridge English Dictionary:
    A lose-lose situation or result is one that is bad for everyone who is involved:

    • He said that going ahead with the strike would be a lose-lose situation for all concerned.
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