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  1. When you speak to him remember to whom you are speaking.
  2. When you speak to him remember who you are speaking to.
  3. When you speak to him remember whom you are speaking to.

What is the difference among these three? If any.

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Use "whom" when it's the object of the sentence

To whom should I send the letter?

Send it to whom?

Whom should we send?

"Whom" and "to whom" are the same thing. The "to" is just the preposition included with the pronoun.

Use "who" in all other circumstances

Who knows?

We know who has the answer.

English speakers ignore this distinction in dialogue ALL the time.

In fact, you are unlikely to hear/read "whom" outside of formal writing.

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    Use whom also for the INDIRECT OBJECT...to whom, for whom, in whom, from whom....etc
    – Ronald Sole
    Commented Jan 3, 2019 at 22:57
  • Reversed my negative vote accordingly although I think that your answer could be a bit more enlightening about WHO as subject as well as WHOM as direct/indirect object. And then there are always killers like:**The word "whom" is a pronoun.**
    – Ronald Sole
    Commented Jan 3, 2019 at 23:22
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All 3 of them mean the same thing. They differ only in formality, correctness of grammar, and evident education level of the speaker (or writer).

When you speak to him remember to whom you are speaking.

follows all the rules of English grammar and is consequently the most formal and educated-sounding.

When you speak to him remember whom you are speaking to.

has the correct pronoun case (whom), but breaks a lesser (?) grammar rule by separating "to" from "whom" and sticking the preposition at the end of the sentence. Some people claim this is an error, but I have heard others disagree. In any case, this sentence sounds more casual and slightly less "professorial".

When you speak to him remember who you are speaking to.

is the one I would be most used to hearing in every day (US) English. Strictly speaking, I guess it is incorrect, as it uses "who" (nominative case) as the object of the preposition "to", but it is very commonly spoken and written, and it sounds normal, idiomatic, and informal.

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    No English authority any longer regards final or stranded prepositions as incorrect. The following article explains why they were once disapproved of (note the final of) : blog.oxforddictionaries.com/2011/11/28/…
    – Ronald Sole
    Commented Jan 3, 2019 at 23:06
  • Yeah, When you speak to him remember who you're speaking to is perfectly grammatical and appropriate in neutral/informal style. There's nothing "strictly speaking" or "technically" or "actually" or "kind of" incorrect about it. Don't make the mistake of conflating register and grammaticality. When you speak to him, remember to whom you are speaking isn't any more correct than the alternative above. The latter is merely formal, and would come across as stilted in most situations (other than formal ones, obviously). For more information see this.
    – user3395
    Commented Jan 4, 2019 at 1:28

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