How to avoid using "he", "she" repeatedly in sentence sequences?

Question

When you start a sentence sequence, for example with "he", would It be correct if I construct the sentences as following:

He started walking down the road. Took a sigh. Was amazed with the beauty of the sky.

I know that I could construct the sentences like below, if I am not wrong:

He started walking down the road, took a sigh, was amazed with the beauty of the sky.

But I don't want to use lots of commas. In my opinion even if the way I build the sentence is wrong, people wouldn't find it absurd, am I right?

Please don't give me alternatives of the sentences. I just want to know about the exact example I gave.

Answer 1

Your first example includes one complete sentence and two sentence fragments.

It would be inappropriate in any formal writing, but might be okay in parts of some types of fiction if used for a deliberate stylistic effect. (It has a certain poetic cadence.)

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Your second example, exactly as written, is the same type of thing; just adding commas doesn't make it grammatical.

In fact, if you're going to use sentence fragments, it's more natural if they are found in completely separate sentences. If they are in discrete sentences, the reader doesn't try to parse them into making sense as a whole when they don't. And the periods also produce a longer pause, which helps.

So, the commas here actually make it more awkward (from a formal English perspective) rather than less.

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I know you didn't want any changes made to your sentences, so you don't need to consider this as part of my answer.

In order for the second example to be a "correct" sentence, you would actually need to make several tweaks to address various issues. There are a few ways of rephrasing it, including:

1. He started walking down the street, sighing, amazed by the beauty of the sky.

2. As he started to walk down the road, he sighed, amazed by the beauty of the sky.