I did make an effort to eat for the entire week beforehand, trying desperately to put on a pound or two before Thanksgiving Day, but my efforts were in vain. If I ate anything, most of it came right back up as usual. Truthfully, there was no reason I should have still been alive. When at last Thanksgiving came, Becca did her best to make me presentable.
The imagined and projected guilt of being responsible for foetal alcohol syndrome in my unborn (and, as it turned out month after month after month, un-conceived) child was more than I could have coped with. I even felt guilty if I ate blue cheese in the second half of my cycle – just on the off chance that I was carrying a tiny dot of a human being, the beginning of a baby in my womb who might have had an adverse reaction to the unpasteurized dairy product.
I saw nothing after that but that young body in its garments and imagined it without the garments.
If I ate that day I have no recollection of it. If I conducted meetings I have no memory of them.
In these consequence clauses, the authors employed present or past simple tense.
I would rephrasing them "If I ate anything, most of it would come right back up as usual", "I would even feel guilty if I ate blue cheese.." or "If I ate that day I would have no recollection of it."
Is the if in the first two examples equivalent to when? That is to say, the authors took these protases as actual occurrences, not contingencies?
And any differences between the original and my phrasing?