I am not a native speaker, so I wonder if using "um-hum" to express my sincere affirmation during a conversation would backfire? I guess I just wanted to avoid monotonic reaction to people's talking. I believe my tone was not in any sense sarcastic. I just wonder if it could be the case that this action is considered negative.
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As with any language, perception of your intent or state of mind is more about tone and context than about the actual words you use. Any word or phrase can be sincere or sarcastic, depending on how (and sometimes when) you say it.– AndrewCommented Sep 24, 2017 at 18:57
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@Andrew, Okay thks. So that implies that there is no specific unwritten rule in the English speaking world against the usage of um-hum? You mean?– YesCommented Sep 24, 2017 at 19:08
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No, it's slightly informal but very common, at least in the United States. Of course some individuals might think it impolite, but you can't account for everyone's personal preference.– AndrewCommented Sep 24, 2017 at 19:36
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@Andrew, Thks, that is an opinion that I am looking for.– YesCommented Sep 24, 2017 at 19:39
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1@WeatherVane While you say it, go up on the second syllable, raise your eyebrows, open your eyes, smile, and nod your head. If you still tell me that's not what most people would consider a "sincere affirmation" well ... I guess we have to agree to disagree.– AndrewCommented Sep 25, 2017 at 1:06
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4 Answers
The simple answer is to observe that in all languages, this sort of sound that we make to show we are listening are very common. They are produced subconsciously, and as such are very hard for a learner to get "right". Indeed the "Ah so" of Japanese or the French nasal "hon hon" (for example) stereotype the sound of the accent, perhaps because people with practised English accents will still make these kinds of sounds when speaking.
It may be that making a conscious effort to say "ummhmm" when speaking will also sound odd, or even sarcastic. It is very hard to judge when using text.
Here I am reminded of the relationship advice book Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars which recommends (to men) that when women want to talk over the problems of their day that men should, instead of trying to solve the problems, nod and say "uh-hr". At least one writer thinks that this is a good conversational technique, that (some) men should learn to use.
In a lot of cases, yes--In a formal conversation, you either say "yes" or "no". "Um-hum" can be seen as meaning that you do not really care, but you are forcing yourself to listen.
Its okay to use it, but it doesnt necessarily imply you agree with what they are saying, just that you understand it. Whether or not you are agreeing with what they are saying or you are just following along as they tell you a story, you can add some variation with other interjections like "yeah", "right", "I see", "wow", etc. If I was having a conversation with you and you just said "uh huh" repeatedly I would wonder how well you actually understood me.
I think um-hum is ok to let the speaker know you are listening before they respond back with a paraphrase, opinion,..etc. But if that is all they do the whole time and when you finish speaking all you hear is crickets with no feedback from them about the topic at hand - then I would consider it very rude and super not sincere, especially when parents do it to kids with no eye contact all-day