I wrote this sentence :

Also, the courses will hone my abilities in information gathering and analysis, information digitization, and development of appropriate applications.

but a friend edit it to me and wrote.

Also, these courses will hone my abilities to gather, digitize, and analyze information while developing applications appropriate for each user in every situation.

Please notice that he used while. I think it is not correct grammatically, what do you think?

I wrote this sentence :

Also, the courses will hone my abilities in information gathering and analysis, information digitization, and development of appropriate applications.

But a friend edited it for me and wrote:

Also, these courses will hone my abilities to gather, digitize, and analyze information while developing applications appropriate for each user in every situation.

Please notice that he used while. I don't think it's grammatically correct. What do you think?

I wrote this sentence :

Also, the courses will hone my abilities in information gathering and analysis, information digitalization, and development of appropriate applications.

but a friend edit it to me and wrote.

Also, these courses will hone my abilities to gather, digitize, and analyze information while developing applications appropriate for each user in every situation.

so please notice that he used while, i think it is not correct grammatically, what do you think?

I wrote this sentence :

Also, the courses will hone my abilities in information gathering and analysis, information digitization, and development of appropriate applications.

but a friend edit it to me and wrote.

Also, these courses will hone my abilities to gather, digitize, and analyze information while developing applications appropriate for each user in every situation.

Please notice that he used while. I think it is not correct grammatically, what do you think?